The regulars at his local were all there. John was trying to
make conversation with everyone, including strangers. When people talk about
love, I never understand them. They say those we love don’t love us back, the
pain of someone that you love loving someone else, or lusting ……. f***ing
lusting for someone else as you sit there, helpless, so deep that the thought
of walking away wasn’t to be contemplated…… f***ing lusting for someone else in
front of your friends, your workmates, in your local pub…. He was gauging how
drunk the crowd was, if everyone noticed what he was going through. The agony,
tragic….just tragic. He’s never being here before, he was in it too deep. The
pain showed, the strength was wearing off, he didn’t know if to fight or walk
away.
Jane was talking to the new guy, Matt. He had driven
approximately fifty kilometers to see her and it was only fair that she showed
a little courtesy. She was laughing at his jokes, soft taps on his shoulder, a
couple of times she just stared at him and looked blissful. In her head, she
had probably stripped him already, spanked his tushi too. You could tell from
how her eyes moved, like she was taking in all of him, the way she licked her
lips, this man mesmerized her. Every once in a while, she tried to engage the
crowd probably gauging how drunk the crowd was too. Like John, she wanted to
see if the crowd had noticed what she was doing.
For john, it was about pride too. He had a reputation he
needed to uphold, an image with Jane in it, the bad girl he had tamed, the bad
girl everyone wanted to tame. He had promised himself to take care of her, he
would even tell his friends that he loved her; he had fallen into her trap. She
was the one who was holding all the cards now, the cracks were showing, the
sweat was inkling, the conversations strained, his concentration fuzzy, he
couldn’t feel his beer. He needed to calm his nerves, a distraction ……..he
needed to go, he needed to go now……his ego was fragile, and his defenses were
down. He wouldn’t go, he couldn’t go, he couldn’t let her take his place in
this pub too. He stayed……he thought he could handle it.
Jane was much more at ease now, she felt the long group
conversation had killed the tension, or at least dissolved most of it plus the
liquor was kicking in, significantly reducing the number of f***s she gave. She
had gone back to talking to Matt, John was talking to some friends he’d just
met on why he loves his ‘’summit’’, and how “Tusker” apparently tastes stale.
He wasn’t sure if they were sizing him up, or they were interested in his
stories, or if it was pity listening…….pity listening……they pitied him. He is
not the kind to be pitied…..
Ace was talking about how not to handle a fight, how to
choose your battles, how to know a battle that’s already lost, when to walk
away from a fight with your pride intact. Big Mo’ was talking about what one is
not supposed to know, open secrets. From Johns’ end, they were more of
insinuations, they were telling him that they knew, and he should just walk
away and save face. The conversations insinuated an understanding, they were
men and although they had just met, he considered them his friends too, they
understood…….
Matt stepped out to pick a call, quite a long conversation,
probably a quick drive. John decided to walk out loud, he was going down but he
would at least show a little strength in his limp, he threw a round for all and
excused himself, early day tomorrow. Jane tried to hug him goodbye but he
feigned conversations with the only other girl in the room, Big Mos’ girl. He
waved goodbye and left, he had lost Jane, but he is the one who walked away. He
probably knew this day would come, she was a bad girl and bad girls leave. He
was a bad boy too, bad boys leave too. He considered this a draw rather than a
loss, he walked.
Matt was out for quite a long time, Jane was feeling a
little awkward, she wasn’t sure if he had left too. She kept checking her
phone, she probably expected an explanation for Matt’s movement, none was
forthcoming. Ken, now well positioning himself next to her, was sensing her
dilemma. Her options were getting limited by the second, Ken just sat there and
let her stew, from across the room, one could see the bliss written all over
his face. Jane was at her most vulnerable, John had left and wasn’t coming back
and Matt hadn’t guaranteed his return. Jane was a girl most men had eyed, Ken
wasn’t too far from his shot at this bad girl. Jane was playing her cards well;
she was making conversation with Ken without insinuating anything. Ken played
calm too, he was buying time, he knew his chances depended on Matt’s next move.
If Matt stayed out too long, he could easily sway this girl, considering how
wasted she was, and limited her options were, winds would probably sway them to
his bed. Not a bad move, considering he wasn’t friends with either John or
Matt, Jane was fair game. He threw a quick round for two, probably spelling his
intent to focus all his attention to her. An acceptance of the drink indicated
her willingness to respond in kind, an offer to consider him as an option.
Things were moving in the right direction for Ken, he had bought time, half an
hour maybe. Jane had stopped checking her phone too, a good sign for Ken, he
ordered a second drink…..PAUSE……
“…….if I order this
drink here, am probably buying her time. If I want to buy myself time, we need
to move………”
Ken quickly cancelled the order and suggested they move
venues, he paid his bill and just as they are about to leave, Matt walks in.
Ken was fast losing his grip now, Jane was more inclined towards Matt, she
walked to meet Matt at the door and walked out with him. Ken followed ……….
*This was the last we saw of John who came in with Jane but
left alone, or Jane who left with Matt nor Ken who quickly followed them. We
are not sure if Jane ended up with Matt or with Ken, we’ll probably never find
out. These are not their real names, just some new faces I met at a friend’s
local who needed names for the sake of this narrative.
After the movie unceremoniously ended, Ace, Big Mo and I
were talking about the pros and cons of commitments, putting all your eggs in
one basket and then watching that person being snatched from you right in front
of you. The pain, the shame, the anger, all those feelings of perverted love
all rolled up in your head, literally feeling your heart break. Is it really
worth all that pain? Considering that the female species in the animal kingdom
are the ones who choose a mate and not the male, commitment is more or less
like playing Russian roulette with your heart. Statistics say 40% of all
married women cheat on their husbands, big number I must say. Maybe it’s the
pot calling the kettle black considering the same survey puts husband
infidelity at 60%, but why would one choose to commit to one person and then
choose to cheat on them? Why don’t we all choose to be honest to each other and
choose to spread the love honest, without commitment, without tying strings
unto our hearts?
I gotta admit that my morals are a bit flawed when it comes
to societal norms, or rather the society is trying to hold on a morality which
is only preached and rarely practiced, a dishonest morality. The institution of
marriage is a lie, relationships are dishonest. How is one supposed to
confidently walk out there, let someone put his finger in her ring, commit in a
world full of heartbreakers?
*Shit like this just breaks my heart. Maybe I should just
live as Trey Song says, “for the ladies and the drinks” and let my sunset find
me in a sail boat somewhere in Costa Rica, and as Big Sean says “am not just
talking shit coz am hi……”.. or just go with the winds and see where they take
me…..
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