Don't send me to hell, I mind if you forget me

Stephanie sounds like a nice girl. I say sounds because I haven't met her in person but her voice tells a story of a girl most people would like to have coffee with. We didn't have coffee last Monday even though we'd planned to, not because I didn't want to but because I move without balance. I let life rush, I miss appointments, I miss out on good people, I forget to watch life, I run. I run faster than my legs can take me and know fewer people than I have met. In the near future, I will make a point of meeting her, and get to know her.

I don't reflect a lot. Let's eat, let's drink, let's make merry for tomorrow we die seems to pretty much sum up my life. It's a good philosophy on paper but in life, it's too fast, it's too true. The last part is too true. At some point we all die. It's not as scary as been forgotten but it's scary as hell, the hell in the Bible I must add. Death in itself is not scary. What lies after is what scares the shit out of me. What if there is a God? What if there is nothing? What if heaven is there or worse still hell which mankind is bound at birth unless Jesus saves our souls? What if the God we believe in is not the one on the other side? *shudders*.........

What if they forget me?

It scares me that out of sight, out of mind could be a reality. My hell. People walking around like I never existed. They'll eat, they'll drink, they'll make merry, for tomorrow they die. They'll eat, they'll drink, they'll make merry like I never existed. They'll date my girlfriend, they'll drink my milk, they'll attend the parties I should have attended, they'll make merry without me. They'll forget, and send me straight to hell. My hell. For me, being forgotten is scarier than burning probably because I don't believe that the fire is real, at least if God is the logical kind.

They'll attend the funeral, eat, drink and toast to a life well lived, pour liquor in my casket, lay flowers on my grave, and cry. They will cry for me because it is an important essence to be taken into consideration after the initial stage of the mourning feeling caused by a dear relatives death, they'll will blame their gods for taking a loved one away from them, they'll pray for safe haven of my soul in the heaven they believe in, they'll talk about me for a week, maybe a month, a year or so. The rituals will come and then the memories will fade. I will be gone, gone with the wind, but I don't want to go.

I want to live forever. Immortal in the hearts of mine, and theirs, those who care today, I want them to care tomorrow. I want them to laugh at the jokes forever (am praying for a life line here), to be immortalized in the memories we share, a chemistry between us that you couldn't bottle in a million years. I'll instigates fights that end up in love, sad days that end up in smiles, struggles with happy endings, I will force memories of me down your throats. I will not let you send me to hell because I mind if you forget.


I will travel when I can and make a friend everywhere. I will sit down with strangers and listen to their stories, eat their food and drink their brews. I will hold on to the friends I got and make a new one every chance I get. I will live forever, because I will make sure someone remembers me. When the reaper knocks, am going to heaven. I will not go to hell. I will not let them forget about me.


I will leave souvenirs, I will find them that which reminds them of me. Custom music cds which remind them of me every time they listen to it, jewelery from the few places I get a chance to travel to, sea shells from the next time I pass by a beach town, I want them to see me in the gifts that I give. I will make sure they remember me. I will leave a footprint in their hearts. I'll give them a memory. I will give all of them a memory.