Vodka, Football and Beautiful Women...... No words

I love words, they make me. When am out of words, it's almost drowning, it makes me feel things only acceptable in relationships, a concept am not good at as they ruin the conquest part which is all it's really about for me, at least the relationship that require constant reminders of how we feel. Then there are the break-ups where you are supposed to hurt and someone has to hug you and tell you ''I'm there for you'' and all that crap.  You can almost conclude that am in a relationship with words, but am going to ask you not to.

Sunday, the 13th of May 2012, we had the most beautiful season finale ever witnessed in the English Premier League. Manchester United, the most decorated team in the EPL were about to lift their 13th premier league title. The 13th league title on the 13th of May would almost be poetic for the Red devils, but they needed their noisy neighbors Manchester city not to win against relegation bound Queens Park Rangers. Arsenal on the other hand needed to win to guarantee them a Champions League spot next season, or for Tottenham Hotspurs and Newcastle United to both loose. Arsenal didn't need Batman as they had Robin so for us it was more of a formality. The Manchesters on the other hand, gave us magic, three minutes of pure magic as Manchester City lost and found glory. It was a story that deserved words.

The two days that took precedent the 13th, we had a work-related retreat, team building if you may. Personally am not a firm believer of these bonding things because bonding without vodka isn't much. People mostly conform in these retreats to impress their bosses coz as much as we like to pretend we are better, we are human, we back-stab, withhold information, backbite and do a whole lot of calculated and unethical deeds to take care of number one unless number one is dependent on others goodwill. And bosses get new blackmailing material to use against the employees. I however enjoyed this particular retreat, probably because there was chicken for lunch (chicken is my new fetish), and there was a lake, it made me miss the beach terribly but I decided to view the lake as a small ocean without a beach which was somehow comforting. There was the vodka too, and a lot of beautiful women albeit after hours.

The thing is, I had a weekend of vodka, football and beautiful women, things that make me glow, things that give life meaning, things I never lack words to describe. I especially lacked the words to describe vodka and friends, which is just sad. I love my vodka whether its mango vodka, in cocktails, in coffee and my all time favorite, straight from the bottle. In forging friendship, arbitrating conflicts, foreplay, fighting boredom, healing broken hearts, making memories, and in all other life endeavors of mine, vodka plays a significant role. I couldn't find words for football either, lessons in three minutes, lessons on how people who work together will win whether it be against complex football defenses, or the problems of modern society (words of Vince Lombardi). The tragedy in my inability to talk directly to the hearts of beautiful women, to those all I wanted to say was, It is enough for me to sit beside them, who are an art mostly pleasant although demanding great skill and knowledge. Being unable to tell people how there are no unbeautiful women, only women who are yet to discover how beautiful they are. I am a bachelor and being a bachelor means walking to and fro the kitchen with only your boxers, sometimes naked even scratching your balls taking a drag. It's eating chemsha 8 days a week; it's knowing the route from the bed to the bathroom by heart, (between the bed and the bathroom is not clear of obstacles - difficulty game). Bachelorhood represents freedom and the ability to talk about vodka football and beautiful women at all times.

I have a writer’s block. Am not sure I can call it that, a writers block, coz am not much of a writer. Am more of a story teller, although my friends kind of use the wrong words to point out. I love to tell stories rather than write them. The facial expressions, the imitations, the tone of the voice. Story telling is supposed to be a one on one thing. You need to read the mood of the crowd, the attention they are giving your story. It pains me to lack words. Robert Collier once said, ''The great successful men of the world have used their imagination? They think ahead and create their mental picture in all its details, filling in here, adding a little there, altering this a bit and that a bit, but steadily building - steadily building." My imagination albeit visual is not built around pictures whether still or otherwise, nor is it audio, it's plain paper and pen. No words means I can't or am not in a position to concentrate on anything else, I scribble a couple of mini-posts, a collection of vanity I call them. I need words like a fat kid needs cake, as 50 Cent keeps saying in one of his badly done tracks. I feel like am losing a part of me whenever I stay too long without playing with words, restless, heartbroken, and lonely even. Words comfort me in more ways than I care to admit, especially calculated words and it drives me insane when I can't play with them regardless of whether y'all get the message or not, especially the ones I put down and am the only one who gets them. I think my lack of words lately is going to land me in a mental institute.

Here is where y'all coming in as friends. I think friends should always encourage friends to get their heads examined, or at least sit down, drink vodka and discuss football and beautiful women. I read somewhere that doctors do not categorize mango vodka as a fruit. But you have to understand that as a lover of vodka, I fail to see the doctors’ logic here because if we classify mango juice as an alternative vitamin source, mango vodka doesn't fall too far off. I'll bring this up with my best friend Jnr. I don't know whether you know this but not many men take the time, every day, to have a blunt, glass of vodka, to talk to their best friend. That's not something most men have.

Due to my current situation, my very painful distance with words, I will share with you something I found somewhere around the World Wide Web. It's something that talks to my inner soul. Two things in fact.

"Vodka is our enemy, so we’ll utterly consume it!” – Russian Proverb

"There cannot be not enough snacks, There can only be not enough vodka.
There can be no silly jokes, There can only be not enough vodka.
There can be no ugly women, There can only be not enough vodka.
There cannot be too much vodka, There can only be not enough vodka.”

-Popular Russian Saying