My mirror gets me....

''I shouldn't have met you. I met you, I liked the smiles a little too much and now I can't get you out of my head. You're intoxicating, and am drunk, am high with your hi.....''

Scratch that......

''Am dumb, and I know....''

Scratch that.... This is going to be harder than I expected. Maybe I should buy chocolates and let them talk on my behalf, I heard chocolates and girls are mostly on the level. This thing with words, choosing the right words to explain something I least understand.... Okay here goes nothing.

''The whiplash of living at once what I had been awaiting for years, the sheer disbelief at finding happiness in this world, had reduced the pleasures to a series of luminous moments, discrete and without measure, like so many fireflies, beaming and vanishing in an instant.''

Okay, I got to admit I stole that. Am reading poetry now, what has become of me? Whatever happened to my balls? She's walking in the house and flipping the switches, on and off,off and on, turned down low, changing the color bulbs, circling above us like smoke, like a ghost......she's driving me out of my mind.

What do I want from her except for us to do nothing? For her to just be, for us to just be. The old terrible magic coalesce into the air, hold her hand, walk on the beach, fish and sail....that's it, that's definately it, fish and sail and barbeque at the beach is what I want to do. I want to put my hands on her as a trial, just as a test. I want to put a hand on her face or on her arm because I think that if I did that, I would be so happy. I just want to feel her skin and I want to get at the soul underneath that muscle because I could smell it. But I bury these things in my heart.

I stand on the mirror and practice. I choose all the right words, create the perfect scenarios, pre-empt her answers. I recite poetry and practice emotions but I know it will all come crashing down once she flashes that smile. But still, I practice.

Spin, Run and Choose

“This is why we shouldn't be afraid There are two possibilities: One is that there's more to life than the physical life, that our souls "will find an even higher place to dwell" when this life is over. If that's true, there's no reason to fear failure or death. The other possibility is that this life is all there is. And if that's true, then we have to really live it - we have to take it for everything it has and "die enormous" instead of "living dormant," as I said way

back on "Can I Live." Either way, fear is a waste of time.”

― Jay-Z, Decoded

I guess he was right in a way, but on the flip side, how broad are our choices? We are thrown choices where we are not in a position to choose right with certainty and the risks spread to the extremes of our fears. Whatever the consequence of our choice will be, if the opposite turns true, we are most definitely screwed as the punishment falls either on living a completely stale and boring life wasted on patiently waiting on an unknown bliss or an eternity of unprecedented agony albeit in the afterlife. And it gets worse, we live in a community who tend to judge us depending on the choices that we make, a society with absolute truths, a society that does not understand why our truths vary from theirs but they expect us to understand their truth.....PAUSE....

When I was growing up, I knew of a few truths, absolutes if you may which reigned supreme regardless of how wrong they would turn out to be. That was before they opened the gates of Hades, dragged my soul away, and told me I shouldn’t walk this way.Take music for instance, and the difference in association today and a couple of years ago. Rock for instance was considered Satanic, still is in some quarters, hip hop as a messenger for all that's wrong (probably because it's provocative) until we found out it's us who were listening to the music wrong. We were listening to music the same way we read books, or perceive art, the way society deems right. We've been molded to take a particular path and designing ourselves, creating our identity which in my opinion should be our goal on life is hindered. Identity is an absolute truth. It is sometimes conflicted, bigoted, stereotyping but all in all, it's probably the only absolute truth. We may try to run from it, remould it to suit the circumstances that be, but it's core values, it's needs, it's principals remain. With this in mind, re-examining our truths. We think the way society expects us to and crazy ain't too far a dogma if your path is considered against the grain. We don't pause, what if the societal truth is wrong?

.....PRESS PLAY. With truth relative, what are we supposed to run with? My truth is fire excites me. I sometimes, for no apparent reason strike a match and watch the flame glow, grow, steady and slowly die. It tells the story of my life, our lives, but I don't know much about yours, thus this might be or might not be your truth. My truth is I want to spin, and then run.

I want to spin because I want to see the world distorted, listen to the music broken, an alternate world where nothing is as it seems. I want to see God the unconventional way, see power as a different tool, women as beautiful, nature as Gods' creation. I want to experience the peace in belief. I want to trust easy and love slow. I want a better view of the world, delusional or not.

I want to run. I want to run and experience everything good in the world. I try to live right, I try to make choices that add value to my life and although going with the flow gives you a softer landing, the rewards fall on average. Although every man believes that his decisions and resolutions involve the most multifarious factors, in reality they are mere oscillation between flight and longing. The end result of your life here on earth will always be the sum total of the choices you made while you were here.

And then the big question, having a devil on one shoulder and

an angel on the other, how to live my life, where to live my hell, how to walk facing forward with nary a crick in my neck from looking back at the crossroads, and most importantly, how to live without been afraid........