Tuesday, 07 June 2011

Tuesday, 07 June 2011, I almost had a bike accident for the first time. Saidi was on the driving seat, updating me on the current affairs of the small Mokowe town. I like Saidi, very nice fella with his bakora which he insists it’s a weapon against a lot of things but if you ask me, it’s more of a fashion accessory than a weapon, unless in the hands of a ninja (these guys give me the creeps since Jnr told me they were coming to get me. I was lucky though because they were paid in vodka and spliffs, and the payment was made before the work was done. We ended up discussing the ills of our respective girlfriends rather than why they came to see me). Anyway, the reason I like Saidi is because, being a long time customer of his boda boda since the office car broke down, he sometimes gives me free rides, and when am a little short on money, he ferries me on credit. He has this witty saying, “tutanyongana baadaye” which means he will inflate my bill a little and I will most probably pay for the sake of tomorrow’s lack of options.

On this Tuesday morning, Saidi picks me up at the jetty and as usual, I learn that there has being a few robberies in a place called Hindi, roughly 15 kilometers from Mokowe town. These thugs are brutal, they ask you to take them somewhere and in transit, a call of nature comes through, he has to go now. He goes in some bushes and comes out with a machete. The good thing is they at least give you a choice, “unataka kubaki na kichwa, ama na motorbike?” I didn’t say it was a fair choice but at least it’s a choice, not like those Nairobi thugs who will rob you, rape your wife and daughter, and might even kill you.

In the midst of this news update, we find our necks simultaneously turning right without effort, and before we know it the bike is heading towards the bushes!! Something I should have mentioned, it was happening on a bend which we had already taken and the head probably didn’t get the memo. Saidi is pretty good with his bike and his reflexes are not too bad, he was therefore able to navigate the bike back on the road but we had to stop to stare at this beauty that almost threw us off balance and hurt somewhere on my left side again, yes most of the injuries I’ve had throughout my few years on these lands have affected my left side. My dad used to say I was accident prone, I still am, but he never really specified that my left side needs a bodyguard. Now, this broad, the cause of our near accident experience, was about 5’6, chocolate, white blinding teeth (she smiled, or rather laughed at us) and yes beautiful hair. She was new around here and for once, Saidi didn’t have a story about her, and if Saidi don’t know, nobody does.

Am not in the business of picking women on the streets, not that it’s never crossed my mind, but the phobia of rejection is up there with my living alone phobia. How I handled the latter is actually very effective, the former is still a work in progress. Living alone phobia wasn’t too hard to fight. When I moved to Lamu, it was the first time in my life that I had ever lived alone. I used to crash with my cousin Marto when I left home to venture the world without the family wings. It was scary at first, especially because when my cousin and I moved out, we looked for a very strategic place. Since we both worked in the CBD, we ensured that the place was a walking distance to work. Secondly, we knew our habits ensured our pockets were overly depleted after the 20th of any month and we had to be fed, we therefore had to be close to at least one family member, and Uncle Matindi was a safe choice. We settled at a place where we could live a stress free life after the rent, and we were close to most of our friends. Moving to Lamu stole that from me and although the experience has being beautiful, I can’t afford to be comfortable especially now that the boat fare has increased by a cool 50%, the fuel crisis has finally hit us.

It has being two and a half years now since I first moved here, and my formula has worked extremely well. It is simple really, make sure you are not fully sober, and for the sake of conversation, leave the T.V. on when you go to sleep. The noises in the background makes you feel like you are in a full house, although sometimes it can really scare the shit out of you during the night. It happens when you leave a series in the lines of Supernatural to play at night, and at around three in the morning, you wake up to the fight between the Angels and demons.

The phobia of rejection is a little different. The time of day is very important and mornings are an extremely terrible timing, it will totally mess up your day. Between noon and evening, not much can go wrong since most of the day has being pre-arranged but evenings are the best since there are very few hours left before the days end. It’s like almost end months where everyone knows only a couple of days to payday, and you can comfortably ask for a loan knowing that you can afford to pay back in a couple of days but if someone says no, you won’t be too mad. With evenings, especially Friday evenings, the probability of being rejected is extremely minimal, especially with the help of a little liquor; choose your poison, vodka works for me.
Tuesday morning, beautiful woman, flashing smile, 0800 hrs. Think Sergent, Think…………………….
Not working right, the math is all wrong and you’re almost late for work. Run nigga run (or rather Saidi ride)!!

Saidi promised to get the lowdown on the new girl next door by the end of the week. For now, I am patiently waiting for Friday evening, or night, preferably after midnight after a couple of shots.