The five minute thought process

Would you fathom the possibility of a five minute thought process? You better because the big guy is planning on twisting this soap opera into a thriller. Change of management since the coup by the g-crew (dead g's in the hood, there is a hood in heaven) in the entertainment industry. The five minutes thought process means if you start a thought process you'll have to flow for at least five minutes before you can have a second thought. E.g., if you think ''god that ass is glam''...this thought will not change and in the next five minutes you've gone from the ass, to her beautiful plumptous and possibly sumptuous, mmmmhhh, that hardening nipple between the teeth waving at the tongue daring it to taste the poison. It will sting, like lightning through the bones to the nerves to the heart, threatening to harm the body if the brain does not do something soon, brain cowers turning on every sensitive sore of your trembling self from the sting ... The thought process continuous for another 4 minutes and 12 seconds and boy you are in trouble, only in the first phase of production. In the second phase, you loose speech control, "think out loud" phase they call it. The third phase hhhsshhhh, scary shit I've learnt my fellow mortals (animals too, imagine the rats thought process, damn!! What I wouldn't do to have the power the big guy is got, the things I would implement, real mermaids, giants, the one language for every living thing that quacks, even the chicken will say please don't kill me and the ingokho loving omhsakhulu will understand it). Anyway, the third phase is ''doeth as thy thinketh''. If you ever thought, I would love to fuck up that cat, now without the power to control your thoughts, the cat will be wishing that the 3 near death experiences were actual deaths to get him from these 2 near death experiences that just happened.

You may think this isn't genius because you are all evil minded, dirty, filthy in those little cabinets of yours you call heads. If it wasn't for the man-made ventures in the lines of liquor we would so be plastic. But with the innocence of a child, this would be a give, give and give world, flower picking, horse riding, jumping from water falls diving and playing with the fish at the bottom of the ocean, the only place even the scientists know the least about, only the big guy understands the beauty of these corals, or the sweet caress by the surface of the sea, the medicinal value of the bottom of sea even though not physical but spiritual where you let yourself go and the sea washes out every stain in your conscience to heavenly white. Call me crazy but I believe that was the Pandora's' box they talk about, the inability to care about what people think about you, the possibility of writing while sailing on your boat to the sunset with a pen and paper to actually feel the words come out of your hands, fingers grappling begging for a pause coz the thought process won't pause, the moment when a wish comes true because a thought in the lines of ''I wish I could talk to that chic'' will culminate into going to where she is seated and asking for her name and number like an F.B.I. agent or a C.I.D. agent (local version of those guys)and all the pick up lines you once thought were lame and stupid will come down attacking smoothly like a sweet soft jazz from Amy Winehouses' fine harmony. In five minutes, the second thought will be forced to flow with the first thought because the five minute break has thrown it totally off track. This will create scenarios of the most shocking revelations, perversions, a lot of dirty laundry but most of all, the most beautiful, true and beautiful love at first sight moments. It will bring out what every little boy and girl felt when they first saw their first love playing at the other end of the pitch and when she turned the feeling was mutual, kids running across the pitch to find their very first love.

This is what the big guy probably envisioned when he created us but he hid this particular setting behind the curtains till one scratches. But the evolution took a turn for the worse when the enemies of smiley faces and simplicity of hearts perfectionists decided against nature and opting for metals below the roots, deep below the core. Okay I got to pause and explain something to ya'll about this deep below the roots theory. We believe or rather made to believe that heaven is up there above the clouds and hell a deep hole somewhere about at the core, centre of the core to be exact. This is brought even closer home by the fact that the closer you get to the core, the more you will come close to something that will make humans’ sluttier, greedier, and more dangerous with a weapon and a few other dangerous virtues. We have seen Congo, Sierra Leone, CHAD, and for the worst scenarios look at those that even more close to the core, OIL.

Sorry, I totally deflected from the main story, the plan; big guys plan was to let us find time to scratch the curtains ourselves. In the middle of a prayer would be the best time I believe, during meditation, deep thought and most importantly, relaxed mind. The first person to scratch pissed the big guy off coz he hadn't perfected the being a gentleman’s program which was supposed to control the direction from beginning a thought with the beauty of the perfectly curved behind but by her beautiful smile. He wanted men to make women smile, and when this thought came unto Adams head when he saw Eve holding that apple, he went from the dripping sweet apple juice from these beauty to how the juice would taste better off his wee-wee. That may or may not have made Eve happy (we'll never really know), but the big guys' most important part of his creation, Adam, was unable to keep away the thought whenever she came out of the river with water from her hair dripping on her shoulders slowly rolling down to the tip of that nipple. He tried, the big guy, but there had being a irreparable damage to the man's thought process. He however created a herb to at least limit the level at which you will feel caged in this reason, manners, principles, morals and a whole lot of soul prison. That's who we are and as much as we try to deny it, we are caged in secret admiration of your best friend sister’s best friend, inability to run across the street to greet a an old friend, scared to tell someone you love them the first time you feel it, or to play with kids in the rain, to be. To just be.

The main idea was the initial thought of a man to be pure. This would mean his first look towards fellow men will be followed by judging him positively. The first time he sees a beautiful woman; he'd think that she has the most beautiful eyes rather than I wanna tap that. When he sees a man hungry for approval, he'll think of a way to cheer him up. The first thought was supposed to be positive, and in pursuit of happiness and fulfillment of those around you, with the principle of what goes around in play. With that infamous day being a Monday ~that's why everyone hates Mondays~ with great expectations for the big test by the big guy, Eve appeared from nowhere balancing a tray of fruits on her left hand, and devouring that beautiful full of color apple picked right after the end of spring, takes a bite and throws her hair back turning her neck to face the sunrise. The beauty was just inhumanly only angelically spoken of and he just couldn't help himself. With eve's main strength perfectly perfected, the art of seduction was at play but with a few lose nuts and a program being updated, any reaction would be fatal but anything not a pure thought would definitely force a self destruction of the program in the mans operating system. This was the beginning of this widely accepted but devoid of the magical moments only inspired by pure thoughts and although we would love to blame either Eve or the main man, it wouldn't be their fault. The big guy had built a masterpiece when he dreamt, when he wasn't watching the flowers bloom and was only a few minutes away from seeing the beauty take her first step to the top of the world by destroying the first chance she had of Adams immune system to her charm. They may have led us to believe that Beijing hullabaloo but I never bought that, not one bit.

Anyway, the big guy has being testing this program for a while now. With female domination in their arms for them to lose (damn the art of seduction) he feels the earthlings might feel that he is favoring the men a little, he is a man after all and all the guidance during the battle of the sexes has being very helpful. He however understands that although the female species of his creation is the most powerful creation in both strength of mind and spirit, and that the sincerity of their emotions renders the male species helpless, he created them too and it's only fair he gives them a fair warning. He was going to launch the program last May but the guy he sent got the message all wrong screaming on top of his lungs about the world coming to an end on May 22. Due to that little hiccup, it has being unanimously voted in heaven parliament that a second messenger should be sent to inform you that the world is not coming to an end. The launch of the 5 minute thought process phase one will be held on 12 October 2011. I again insist that it's not the end of the world but a lease of life to this boring generation of earthlings.

I never understood this whole line of thought thing, the gymnastics in ones brain not withstanding and fly kicks to the skull not happening, you are supposed to have one. Except for sober writers whose mini pause to think of something right to say that we’ll make everyone dance, their faces with a smile and at the same time make us understand why we shouldn’t be doing this or that. It’s supposed to work as the fast rising group getaways where grown men come into a Lamu bar, some even had to commit this obscenity in front of their wives!!! Shocking, I tell you, SHOCKING I TELL YOU!! When you’re on the heavenly side, you develop a habit of details, every piece of detail is important and when you turn your neck from one conversation to another, you have to take a quick swipe of the room. This was not an every day scenario and another room swipe, and another, and another couldn’t satisfy the curiosity of this friend of the universe. Four grown men ordering sodas at a bar!!! It was almost okay until the wine came; I hoped and prayed that one of the women in this table had ordered the wine. To my surprise, no, no, no, astonishment, very astonishing because this is a scene from a world we are all running from, a man mixing sprite and wine!!!

I don’t know if the women will forgive me when I confess that the five minute thought process has being part of my prayer a lot lately, actually, it’s being my only prayer for a couple of months. The big guy has however promised to fulfill my prayers but you have to consider that the guy drinking wine and sprite totally threw me a little off the rails and this could mean a broken peace of me. As friends who I dearly love, I would hope that you will understand when I say that praying for a five minute thought process was actually genius. I however got to go because I’ve already lost the main story and am not sure where the current story is headed. One more session and am being forced to host……………gotta go great fellas, you are however allowed to judge me as per the heat spectrum (eye colour testing kind)