Found God

Firstly, I got to admit that am not much of a prayer, at least not the Church kind of prayer. I don’t know the Lord’s Prayer word for word, but I know the message by heart. Saying the grace before a meal or a quick “Lord bless this food before we take it” is not a problem though.

I was born a Christian, Anglican Church of Kenya member I am. My mum bought that hard covered yellow book with big words and cute pictures called “Bible Stories”, which means even though I don’t read the Bible much nowadays, I do have an idea on what it says, the key message at least. I went to church up until I was around 11 years old, and Sunday school taught me another or two other things about God, before the “double dragon” gave me the choice between the 8:30 viewership and the church, I chose the former. Although I attended the classes one needs to be confirmed, I was a month younger than the required age for one to be confirmed, 11 years, 10 months and a couple of days old is not old enough for a Christian to be confirmed according to the shepherd. This meant no holy communion for yours truly. I was born a Christian, but am a lousy one.

When I was much younger, it didn’t matter much that my relationship with God was flawed, it even seemed macho in a way. Telling someone I haven’t been to church since 1996 felt like I beat God in a chess game or something, like I deserved a trophy for the longest time without attending a church service competition if there is anything like that. But as I grew older, I realized that to be complete, one needs to have a relationship with God. At first it was really difficult considering I hadn’t talked to God in a long time; I had no idea where I should start.

A couple of years ago, I went to a certain Church close to where I live, me and my cousin were feeling a little holy that morning despite been hung over. The praise and worship was wonderful I remember, plus the choir master was extremely hot. It was lively, probably because majority of the congregation were quite young, flexible too and quite conversant with the dance moves of the day, F2 dance moves of the day. I could fit in here. It looked like a bunch of lost sheep trying to look for God just like me, trying to balance the hype, wild, energetic and promiscuous lifestyle they were living and the search for God. A little sad the sight was, but I am not to judge according to the Christian teachings my Sunday school teacher handed down to me when we were tighter.

This was a special Sunday; I don’t know why God wanted me to go to his house on this particular day but he did have his reasons. I believe we all have to follow a script penned down by the big guy, who meant the script dictated that on this particular Sunday, I was supposed to be here, and so was this American preacher. This preacher had a message from God. The message that God decided to relay through this vessel was, “Plant a seed, and wait to sow”. God wants us to sacrifice the little that we had for him to multiply the nothing that we would be left with. 50 dollars was the seed initially, everyone in the house who would like God to look at him favorably was to lift his hand and the closest usher to him will hand them an envelope where he will put his 50 dollar (50 * 80 = 4,000 Ksh., for those not so good at math) seed. It was around month end and around half the congregation was not bothered with that kind of amount. Am not sure if God talked to him in the middle of the sermon, or he realized that not everyone in here has a source of income, the dress code (flashy) had deceived the messenger, or even God himself. Considering how full the parking lot was, I would be deceived too. In the middle of his sermon, he realized some people, me included, couldn’t just come up with 50 dollars on the spot, the seed had to be a little lower, 25 dollar seed y’all. Quite a sizeable number lifted their hands and the ushers rushed to issue the ground unto which the seed was to be planted. Still, some of us couldn’t come up with Ksh. 2,000 on spot either and the seed went down to 20 dollars, then 10 dollars and finally to whatever one could afford.

This was the first Church service I had attended in a long time, except for a few funerals and one or two weddings. God says not to judge according to the Bible. Maybe the big guy had a lapse when writing my script but this was no way to try and bring me back to the Church. A couple of chapters later, the script put me in Church again. The pastor was not feeling well and couldn’t make it to church on that day; his co-pastor slash wife was leading the congregation. This church loved their pastor and co-pastors so much; they referred them as mum and dad. Daddy wasn’t feeling very well and mummy knew the perfect gift to brighten up his day. Kids gather around, let’s surprise daddy with “A PRADO”!!! Don’t judge anybody Serge, the Bible says not to.

Finding God was going to be harder than anticipated, the only way I knew was quickly was turning out to be a dead end. Television had its services too, E-Church they call it and the message was more or less the same, help the pastor spread the word of God. The Bible says don’t judge, so I won’t. I tried a couple of different churches for a while but I wasn’t feeling it, it was like they were pushing me further from God than drawing me closer. It felt like they needed me to leave all else and find God through them rather than pointing me in the right direction for me to find God on my own, have a personal relationship with God as they kept saying. 

I didn’t own a Bible, still don’t (you are not allowed to judge me either) but I had a very convenient phone. I bookmarked the online Bible and every once in a while I would search a random scripture and try to break it down. I did that with the Quran and a few religious scriptures sites www.religionfacts.com, www.religion-online.org, www.brill.nl, and a couple of more sites. At first the messages were conflicting, especially when it came to the practices and rituals, but a closer look brought out one thing was clear in the 50 + religions that we have. They believe of one Supreme Being that dictates their lives, creator of the universe, judge of all humans,

“There is only one God” –Isaiah 43:10, 44:6, John 17:3, 1 Corinthians 8:5-6, Galatians 4:8-9

“Righteous is he who believes in Allah and the last day and the Angels and the Scriptures and the Prophets” Quran 2:177

“Hear O Israel, the Lord is our God, the Lord is unique/alone” in the Torah - Deuteronomy 6:4 (Judaism)

Basically, most religions believe in the one God, the one Supreme Being, the creator and ruler of the universe. We do have a few religions that have multiple gods, but there is one who is superior to other deities. At least 53% of the world population believes in the God of Abraham, one Supreme Being.

At this juncture of my search for God, I partially understood a thing or two about the big guy. He’s there, I knew that much. For one to understand him though, you had to talk to him. This was easier said than done especially because I didn’t have a direct line to him, or at least a location, somewhere we could sit and talk or something along these lines. A friend of mine, staunch Christian, once told me if you want to talk to God, you should talk to him like a friend. My aunt Cate, God rest her soul in peace, told me he’s like a parent, a father to be precise. If ever I needed something, I should just ask him. My understanding was God has his moments. There are times when he needs to act like a parent and us his children, and times when he needs us to be his friends. When we were younger, we were not supposed to question our parents, they were always right regardless of what everyone else told us. As we grew older, we started questioning some of the things that they do, decisions that they make for us, the way they relate with their peers, small details here and there. Why should I do this? Why shouldn’t I do that or go there? Whys’ and what’s’. In our search for self and God, it’s no different. We question why God does this or that, what he expects of us, why does he have to be the all knowing father? What’s the point of free will if he can bend us to his will in a flash? Why did he create us and condemn some of us to hell?

Prayer becomes essential, talk to God, ask him and he will answer, or at least show you how to find these answers. As a parent, he takes care of his own, especially when we are young in the faith. As we grow, he lets us roam, allows us to question life, question his decisions, and rebel against his will because he knows that is the only way to find our place in his house. If we think we can make a better decision than him, he lets us try (I believe this is the purpose of free will), so we can learn he knows better than us. When we pray for something, he weighs your strengths, your needs, and your weaknesses to see if you need his help or you can do it on your own. Sometimes he’ll help, and sometimes he’ll let you sweat it out.

As you grow in your faith, it reaches a point where you become friends with God, the same way we become friends with our earthly fathers after attaining a certain age. We discuss our ideas, throw them around in a conversation, he gives you pointers and let you make the final decision. If you get to this point, you can proudly say you know God. It’s at this point in your relationship with God that you should take it upon yourself to lead others to find him too, walk with them or at least point them in the right direction.

As a father, he understands that not all of his children will toe the line. He might punish you every once in a while, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. He will reward a well behaving child, but that does not mean he loves him more either. He will love you regardless of who you turn out to be because regardless of what you turn out to be, you are still his child, and that is something no one can take away from you. 

Personally, am still in the questioning stage. I question my imperfections, if am created in God’s image, does that mean God makes mistakes, regrets some of the things that he does, makes rash decisions every once in a while, does my imperfections reflect on his imperfection? Like father like son they say around here. I rebel against his will, and do things just to test his limits. I know he understands am growing in my faith, and as a good father, he lets me roam and rebel because he knows that is the only way for me to eventually understand that without him I can’t do much. Run around kid, but eventually, you will have to come back home.

I was born a Christian yes, but being a Christian does not mean knowing God. Neither does being a Muslim, a Jew, a Buddhist or any of the 50 + religions worldwide guarantees that one knows God better than the next guy. The relationship between God and self is a personal one, the same as of an earthly father and his children. Yes we are all one big family, but when we need something outside the norm (basic needs and breathe of life), we go to him alone and not as Christians, Muslims, Jews or whichever branch of Gods family you hang on to. If you go to him alone, he will listen to you as an individual and not as a family.