Retracing

They say you should live before you die, it’s not like we didn’t know that but there is something about wisdom from those who came before us that makes even dumb people sound really wise. Take Confucius for example,”Man who buy drowned cat must pay for wet pussy” or “Man who kisses girls behind gets crack in face”. Don’t get it twisted, am not saying he was dumb or these wise sayings are not applicable in life, mostly on a literal level but if Confucius was still alive, maybe they wouldn’t be considered to be as wise, just saying.

Enough about that, I was thinking about old times today. How did we or rather how did I get here? How did I stumble upon some of the things that I know today and the principles that I live or not live by? When I was around 9 years old, I had this desk mate, Winnie. We used to have “preps” between 0345 hrs to 0430 hours and although the discussion or study groups were more or less formed by the teacher, one always ended up with the click that he normally rolled with except for the gender sensitivity thing. If it was up to us, there would be no girls in our group, which wouldn't be a good thing because I might never have had a chance to talk to Winnie. Winnie was as curious as I was, so when we decided to play show me yours I’ll show you mine, she was more than willing to play. These were strange lands we were venturing and even though we were eager to discover more, we couldn’t trend too fast. We started with undies, I think hers were pink and flowery or dotted, which meant it was my turn to flash mine. After a couple of weeks showing off our under wears, it was time for the big sneak preview. You have to understand this was a big moment for me in my life because what I was about to see was going to change my life forever, and the magnitude of this occurrence was so significant that a date had to be set for us, especially me, to be mentally prepared. Two weeks later and the big day came, and to this day, I’ll never thank this girl enough for opening my eyes and showing me what I live for. 

Two years later, it was time for me to discover something even greater. At 11, the only thing we knew about kissing was what we saw on The Rich Also Cry, The Bold and The Beautiful and Wild Rose. I remember we were not supposed to watch any of the above programs but since Wild Rose wasn’t too sexual, we were sometimes allowed to watch. Eleven and green, and one hell of a crash with this hottie, I think her name was Judy. One Friday after school we were walking home, can’t really remember how that happened because on normal after school hours, I would be somewhere playing football, rounders or riding tires (yes kids, we didn’t have GTA or NFS so we raced with tires) but somehow I was walking home with Judy. Am not sure if it was my sweet nothings which am sure at that age were very limited to talks on WWE Wrestling, Walker Texas Ranger or if your parents allowed you to watch Tropical heat that weekend. You could throw in a few of the stunts that you did during the week specifically meant to impress her which meant going home with a few injuries, but they were totally worth it since she was watching. Anyway, we are walking home or rather am walking her home and as if the big guy up there had being listening to my ramblings, her mum had stepped out for a while. We had watched enough T.V. to know what people do when they really liked each other, we decided, what the hell let’s try it. I gotta tell you, of all the experiences, including how to tell my dad I’ve being kicked out of school, explaining to my mum why all her chicks are dead (me and my cousin Sophie decided they were very dirty and needed a bath) among others, this was the scariest moment yet. It was quick, very quick indeed but that was the best feeling I’d had in all my 11 years of my existence. We dated for a while until they moved. Didn’t hear from her until she sent me that success card when I was sitting for my K.C.S.E examinations and stupid me had to lose that card.

At this point in life, I thought the world couldn’t get any better. I hadn’t discovered any drugs except for the few cigarettes my cousin Ken used to steal from his paps, I was still an alcohol virgin but it wasn’t going to last very long. August 1996 was a very special month because that was the month I promised myself and everyone in the family that I will never touch anything alcoholic. It was a family tradition to go to grandmas for at least a week during the holidays and this was not any different. My cousin Chomba was one of the village bad boys aka Makmende. He was a very good storyteller, convincing too. He had already convinced the other kids that I was packed (guns), still don’t understand how those guys bought that story but it meant I had a free pass wherever and an open invitation to all the games, not that am complaining. Anyway, Chomba had some crazy ideas which always sounded good and foolproof until the whipping when we got home. So he decides we should try some liquor named Kibuku.  We however couldn’t afford to purchase and even if we could, we couldn’t just go over to a bar counter and order a bottle, the bartender would probably close shop and run to my grandmas to snitch on us considering that she was well known, still is, which meant other alternatives.

OPERATION KIBUKU

          i.            Dig a trench outside Jimmies’ gate. This was considered the best place since there was a shallow trench already and it was more like expansion of the trench. Plus Jimmies, folks were rarely home which meant no parental scary shit.

         ii.            When the distributing lorry comes from the shopping centre (ndukaini), it will definitely slow down at the dugout where Chomba will leap (kurukia lori), and get a few bottles.

       iii.            He will then drop the Kibuku bottles which we will collect behind him and then he'll alight at that steep slope about a KM from the trench.

       iv.            We will then go to the shamba and have a mini party.

Operation Kibuku wasn’t a total failure except in our planning, we hadn’t considered that none of us had ever tasted anything alcoholic which meant none of us knew how it tasted or how to handle it. The details of Operation Kibuku are a little hazy after step iv, but I clearly remember the following day when I along with Ken, Chomba, Senior, and Dan swore in front of the whole family, extended family, to never ever even think of thinking about that evil drink (the whip has being great catalyst in most of the promises I made when I was young). Until 4 years later, I did stay true to my word, but hey, High School happened.

At 11, I was sure nothing would top what I had experienced so far, until the teachers strike of 1997. Now you got to understand, there was neither parental nor teachers guidance for approximately three weeks, and curiosity was riding real fast. Hide and seek was a good game until accidentally Kanyambura(we called her that coz she was kinda small)  decided to share my hiding spot. Kamande was doing the seeking and the rest of us were doing the hiding. Am not really sure how this happened as the rate of occurrence of events was at a rate that my young mind was not equipped to handle, but I do remember Kamande shouting “mmeshinda kikombe” which apparently wasn’t enough to make us show ourselves. Kamande and Peter decided it was getting late and they wanted to go home, but they didn’t want to go home without me. They looked for me for quite a while (their story), and when they eventually found me, instead of giving me a high five, they started laughing pointing at us. I still dispute this to this very day but apparently, they laughed at me until I cried. Can’t really remember how it felt but at least I do remember who it was.

I kept my new found good times an ill at a time, picked smoking along the way and a lot of drinks, cigarettes, miraa, and a few women later, I finally met Mary Jane. It was after New Year’s bash in Softie, Deno’s place and the hangover was killing us. Being the creative minds that we are, we decided that since most of the alcohol is usually absorbed by the fruit, there was enough alcohol from last night’s punch. Marto, or was it Bena? A lil fuzzy but one of them bought one liter of Fanta orange and pours it in the punch bowl, a cup each and let’s welcome the New Year (can’t really remember which year it was). It wasn’t enough so my cousin lights a joint. I can tell you one thing for sure, everything was funnier, and the world wasn’t as scary as they had made us believe. Me and Mary Jane never looked back and we’ve had a very fulfilling relationship.

It’s being years since my experience with Winnie. As of today, I don’t know where she went, Judy too, we lost Kamande along the way to meningitis, I heard Kanyambura got a kid, the rest are scattered all over this country but I don’t think they have any idea  what they created. Am not a bad creation so if they ever found out, they wouldn't be too disappointed, maybe a little since I didn't become a pilot and didn't get married to my first love, Angela (everyone except one guy -the competition- knew she was the one for me. I think even the teachers knew she was the one for me, but that's a story for another day.)

 

Goodnight ya’ll and have a blissful night. Need to furnish my ills.