Venus vs Mars

It's a couple minutes past eleven and am almost out of beer. Sleep and I haven't been close for a while but my beat down ipod is good company. With it's broken screen and a habit of throwing me off balance with the arrangement of the tracks, I've learn't to cope.

I think.

At first it was her. She popped in my head again. After a while, she pops in my mind, the good times, the smiles, the laughs, the conversations et al. The good memories.
She smiles easy, she smiles in her voice too, she talks gentle, she inspires music. She walks slow, she's careful with her feet, she watches them a lot, it makes people think she's shy. But I think she's just trying to protect her smile. She knows the world is a cruel place, it will take advantage of her smile, so she guards it, and the world said she's shy.

Then there is me. Lost in my ills, selfish with freedoms, mean with time, stupid old me never learns. It's the little things that matter, the texts that say you crossed my mind, the rock cd that says I know what warms your heart.

My cousin says I have a phobia for commitment. Maybe there is truth in her statement. I don't hold on to anything, good or bad, I let everything slip through my fingers, the good and the bad........ I think.

Nah, I take that back. It's the planning, the routine, the knowing tomorrows, it's the control. You can't surf in calm waters, I need waves. It's the not knowing where am going that makes blood rush, the running into trouble, the spotainity.

Control or lack of it rocks this boat. It's the flips in judgement that control the cruise.

I guess we are both to blame.